One strange thing about American culture - there’s a magazine for *everything*. Usually more than one! For, of course, the educated consumer MUST have reading choices!!
And it is frankly ridiculous how many bizarre specialty topics have their own magazines - you want a magazine exclusively about sofa covers? I betcha there is one! With its own catalog, monthly contest, special promotional posters and mugs, and traveling bikini wet-tshirt team!
I have an idea - how about a magazine called “modern terrorist”? Of course the title would have to be all lower case, you know, to give it that chic post-modern look.
Imagine …
- a cover that had “modern terrorist” in subtle letters, with a cover photo of a yuppie terrorist modeling the latest terrorist fashion while striking a GQ pose on a beach…
- each issue would have a top-ten review, ala Consumer Reports:
“This month we review our top ten camcorders for filming propaganda videos!” - each issue would have celebrity interviews… with catchy abbreviations for the interviewer and the interviewee:
mt : So, how do you stay in shape on the run?
obl : well, i wrestle three sheep every morning.
mt : dude, that’s awesome. - each issue would have a spotlight focus article on an expert’s gear:
“Today we look at the expert gear that Bill (not his real name) uses. For his high-end assignments, Bill prefers the award-winning KJX 2000 semi-fluxomatic triple-screwed titanium blajjertotter, with a 4.5 degree Baccardi-sighted cambershaft and the Zildjian DB20 chrome jiggerwatt converter. When Bill takes this sweet rig mobile in the field, he (not his real gender) uses a custom TK9 carrying case that also has room for his Yakuzaki 49Z folding portapotty…” - there would be full-page glossy ads from leading arms manufacturers:
“Custom F-16s for your next pillage party? Contact 1-900-BOO-YEAH.” - and from leading educational establishments…
“Don’t let your kid become a liberal… send him to the Bin Laden School of Applied Philosophy! Distance learning options available!”
I have a bad feeling this site just got placed on the terror watch list… Oh well, maybe I’ll get to go on a taxpayer-funded winter holiday to the Carribbean, courtesy of Uncle Rummy…
