“There is a fire
And motion of the soul which will not dwell
In its own narrow being, but aspire
Beyond the fitting medium of desire;
And, but once kindled, quenchless evermore,
Preys upon high adventure, nor can tire
Of aught but rest”
~ Childe Harold

Quote on intro page to Book II of “Ben-Hur : A Tale of the Christ”

One of the revelations I’ve had recently about the Christian attitude toward growing in faith is the mainline Christian confusion about U2 - “how could they be a Christian band if they wrote a song titled ‘i still haven’t found what i’m looking for’?”

I think there is a general assumption in mainline evangelical circles that to be a Christian means you have found what you were looking for. This assumption is made clear when they talk of “non-believers” as “seekers”.

In other words - you are a “seeker” when you are searching for Jesus, and you cease to be a seeker when you have found Him, you then become a “believer”. The general idea is that there is no need to look further for the truth once you have prayed the “salvation” prayer and been “saved” by Christ, and once you have found the Bible.

This prevailing attitude, I believe, is a devious deception that leads directly to unbelievable arrogance and pride on our part. It also leads to crippling complacency in our spiritual lives.

I speak from experience - I have certainly felt this creepy peer pressure that as a Christian I could not talk of still searching for the truth, I have felt this pressure to “know” the truth and to then make it known to others who are “seeking”. I have felt that it is wrong for me to still see myself as a seeker. This has left me vaguely disturbed by the various groanings in my spirit that testify to a longing hunger for more, groanings that testify to a sickening disgust with the pressure to be satisfied with the fake and plastic packaging in contemporary Christianity.

No longer will I put up with this spiritual poison.

I remember that as a “seeker” I used to be hungry for spiritual things, I read not only the Bible but any spiritual text I could find that could give meaning to my soul’s longing for truth. And, truth be told, the Bible fulfilled my longing in a way that no other spiritual text has done.

But I have been deceived into extrapolating that to the other extreme - into thinking that the Bible alone contains all the truth I need, and that no other text or source is worthy of pursuing for any spiritual insight or truths.

I feel like the desire to pursue mystery and truth has died within me. Once the Bible has been painted as the collection of all truth, there is no longer any need or urgency to search for truth, is there? It’s right here, in a convenient package, available whenever I want it. And the paradox of the matter is that I don’t want it. I simply have to suspend my disbelief and just nod along when others say I need to believe that the Bible is the Truth.

Even the work of pursuing mystery in the Bible has been eliminated - in this convenient consumer world, you don’t even have to READ the thing, you can pick up any number of commentaries and study guides that will “demystify” the truth for you.

I heard a recent sermon where the preacher said there wasn’t any “mystery” in the Bible, that the term “mystery” was a misnomer and that the Biblical sense of the word meant a truth that God has already revealed for us. “We have all the answers,” said this preacher, “we have all the answers.”

Yuck.

So I say boldly now - I still haven’t found what I am looking for, and may I never rest in that pursuit, may I experience an unquenchable thirst for God, may I never come to believe that I have figured out His ways, may I always strive to seek after Him all my days and nights, but may I always find Him just out of my grasp, and may I ever be restless in my journey toward Him.