The recurring theme I find in Christian circles is fear.
One aspect that illustrates this is the fine orchestration of the spiritual life - from what my friend John calls the “Sunday Morning Show” down to the agenda for the weekly “Bible study”, Christians seem to be terrified of spaces where God can work in ways that will disrupt their plans.
I want to live with no fear. I want to accept, no make that embrace, no, make that INVITE God to disrupt my plans with His own. I want to trust God’s presence, not control my life so rigidly that I think I have to make room for Him.
What would that look like?
Alexis and I were talking recently about living in community with others without having the need to be in control of how the community grows spiritually. This kind of community would look markedly different from the forced community of church and small groups. As my friend Jamie put it recently when I was venting to him about church life, Sundays at church seem to have the purpose of ensuring that we would indeed live in community with each other. I find such a thing to be a dead giveaway to just how unsure the church is that we would have community without it.
I would like to have friendships that have no agenda to them, trusting that God is the one who works in relationships to hold us close and grow us to pursue Him in His time and manner. I would like to have friendships that I am not afraid of.
I would like to live in a community that WANTS to meet often and share life, not one that does so because it HAS to on Sundays. I would like to live in a community that ORGANICALLY moves in response to God’s presence and ORGANICALLY pursues knowing God together, not one that does so because it HAS to on certain evenings of the week.
If you dig deep enough into WHY Christian circles micromanage their spiritual lives, you will find a sense of deep insecurity, a fear that if they DON’T do it a particular way it will all fall apart and they will be lost again. Where is the trust in God in such a life? When you have so much control over how spiritual your life is, then who is your God?
My heart skips a beat when I think of the vast yawning unknown depths of God that I can experience if I let go of this sense of clinging to control and…
fall…
with no fear…
into the reckless life of God!
May 16th, 2006 at 10:02 pm
Wow, Hari. I think you’re right. Interesting food for thought.
June 15th, 2006 at 7:16 am
I just remembered the funniest example of this kind of “no fear” - last year, right after my first date with Alexis in January, I just KNEW she was the “one”, even though I was deeply cynical of the notion of there being a “one”. Somehow God just made it very very clear that she was the one, despite my stringent disbelief.
The next morning I promptly invited myself over to my pastor Tom’s house and told him and his wife Vit (they are my quasi-parents after all), and after we all glowed about it for a bit Tom asked me what my next step was going to be.
Well, I was about to start a part-time teaching position at a local college in the evenings, in addition to my full-time job at the software company I’m employed at, in addition to my volunteer commitments at my church, in addition to … so I told Tom that the way I saw it, I didn’t have any time for Alexis until late May, so I’d probably wait until then.
Tom smacked me upside the head by pointing out that those were all MY plans, and that if Alexis really was the one then that might just be GOD’s plan, and I would do well to change my plans accordingly in response
I am *SO* glad Tom said that
And I’m so glad I listened too… Alexis and I got married five months later…