So today Alexis and I had a long conversation during which I began to process some realities about how I’ve changed over the past year, from someone who often did outrageously reckless things (like, oh, driving around in the middle of a blizzard, calling friends out of their houses to come join me on the drive), to someone who just doesn’t want to be reckless very much. I feel like I’m too worn out, too tired, too comfortable, to get excited about being reckless.

Certainly, part of it has to do with just how incredibly stressful last year was - the second largest decision of our lives was made, and what an incredible series of changes ensued!

But I feel there’s more to it than that. A few weeks ago my buddy Ian drove over to visit, and he and I took off to go find a mountain to hike. We had a blast, we basically took off very stupidly unprepared (no water, no proper boots, no maps, no idea how to get to the particular mountain Ian wanted to hike) and I’m by no means saying people should do what we do (don’t you often hear of hikers dying in the wilderness of exposure?), but it was a blast. We were guys. It was a day to remember.

Part of what made that hike an adventure was that there were no trails (for some reason, I love hiking in places where there are no marked trails, quite different from Alexis). But even during that hike, I noticed there was something different about me - when faced with a rocky cliff or a particularly icy and slippery slope, I consistently pointed out the “easier”, “safer”, more “efficient” ridge, while Ian would push us on to the more ludicrous paths. I remember hanging off the side of a dead tree leaning precariously against a rocky slope, having just slid down the slope several feet when a branch snapped, and thinking (a) just how much of an idiot Ian was, and (b) just how alive I felt.

I’m convinced that I’ve changed, something in me has become more averse to risk or adventure. And part of that is to be expected - I’m not single anymore - but Ian has been married 4+ years now to Geri and they have two precious little girls. I’m convinced that somehow I’ve changed in a way that’s not a good thing - I’ve become unwilling to look for adventure in the “way” that Jesus says He is, instead I’m looking always for the safer way, for the more efficient way, for the “best” way (which really only means the way “best for me”).

Alexis and I talked about ways I can rediscover my passion for adventure - certainly something that we both had in common when we were dating, but now something that Alexis has and I just don’t.

This is hard for me to admit, especially openly like this - but right now I find it easier to *talk* about reckless passion than actually living it.

Alexis tried to encourage me, and got me out of the home to go for a walk in the woods. And we ended up having quite a reckless adventure trying to cross the brook! I ended up straddled across a tree trunk facing the wrong way and learned a few things about the reckless life [read more in the entry titled "river crossing!" in the field notes section]

That went a long way toward cheering me up I *know* I’m on the right track about this whole reckless passion thing. And I’m encouraged that God is cheering us on to live His life, a life of extraordinary adventure.