i think the one picture that accurately captures the essence of my recklessness during our recent trip to Los Angeles and San Diego would be this one…

This is awkward
I’m an engineer
I know.

I know facts.
I know theories.
I know how,
I know what.

But I don’t know Jesus.

I don’t know who he is
I don’t know why he does things
I know facts and theories about him
But I don’t know him.

I don’t know his mannerisms
I don’t know his dreams
I don’t know his sense of humor
I don’t know his thoughts.

This is awkward
I’m an engineer
I fix.

I fix problems.
I fix solutions.
I fix quickly,
I fix well.

But I can’t fix this.

I can’t suddenly know Jesus
I can’t fix him
I can’t fix what’s missing.

I can’t tell him to fix it for me
Because I don’t know him
And he doesn’t work for me.
This is awkward.

This is awkward,
I’m an engineer,
I have friends
Really
I think.

I know them
They know me
I think.

How do I know Jesus?
How do I talk to him?
How do I walk with him?
What do I say?
How do I say it?

Will he respond?
What will he say?
Will he want to know me?
Will he even say anything?

This is awkward.
An engineer trying to build a relationship.

I’m at a turning point.

I’m at a point where I want to turn away from the bitterness and negativity that has had such a hold on me for the past several years. I’m at a point where I want to turn toward Jesus, trusting Him with my burden and taking up His yoke to find reckless rest in Christ.
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There is one day in particular that I think of fondly as being the best day of my life - Sunday, January 23, 2005.

This was the day that a really powerful blizzard hit New England, starting the previous evening and extending well into Sunday.

How powerful was it? Enough to have its own wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blizzard_of_2005

Yup, it was quite a Nor’easter

In many ways, that day has become for me a microcosm, a snapshot of the life God is calling me to live. I will always look to that day and a prior walk along some railroad tracks as foundational experiences in my journey with God, during which I encountered Him and He identified me as His own in unforgettable imagery.
(more…)

This has been a strange weekend. I thought I was going to have a reckless adventure commuting back and forth from Beverly to Natick on Friday - I ended up being frustrated by the commute and having quite a negative attitude.

I thought I was going to have adventures driving around Beverly/Peabody with Alexis in the evenings - I ended up getting quite frustrated at the sheer madness that is route 1 in the North Shore. A divided highway crammed with shops and restaurants on either side, but you can’t slow down to pick one because the speed limit is 50 which means there’s an SUV driver behind you going 65.

I realized that I talk so much about being reckless and fluid and flexible and spontaneous, but right now I’m just so bad with embracing new environments or frustrating cultural idiosyncrasies.

We ended up at a Chinese restaurant yesterday (after driving for 45 minutes just to get *back* to the restaurant after missing it on route 1). As I plopped down, this item on the drink menu resonated heavily with how I felt - and I ordered it because I felt like I had just been a suffering bastard all weekend instead of being the recklessly passionate adventurer I thought I would be.

Long way to go on this journey…

[by the way, that is one nasty drink. I guess the name indicates who you will become as you drink the foul concoction...]